The Presence of Conflict

Conflict shows up in all facets of our lives.

Within ourselves:

• Should I wear the blue dress or the black jeans?

• Why can’t I focus and get more done?

• Am I a bad person if I say “no”?

  Within our families:

• Why at age 47, am I still treated as the “little sister”?

• How is it so hard to agree on a parenting time schedule for our kids?

• When did parenting my parents become a thing?

In our work life:

• Why does it seem that there are different rules for different people?

• How do I have a difficult conversation with someone I supervise?

• Why don’t I feel listened to?

In social situations:

• How do I disagree with my friends and still keep the friends?

• How do I say what is true for me in a way that doesn’t demean others?

• How do I engage with people in a way that builds connection?

Re-shaping How We Respond to Conflict

Early Conditioning

Due to culture, family norms, gender expectations, and/or societal structure, many of us have developed responses to conflict that were deeply engrained at an early age:

• It’s bad to “be wrong” - you always have to be “be right”

• Only one person wins (meaning others therefore must lose)

• Beliefs that are different than mine are a threat to my beliefs

And many of those learned responses contribute to the escalation of conflict rather than true resolution. No wonder the word conflict often evokes so many uncomfortable feelings, that many of us go to great lengths to avoid conflict!

From Conflict to Curiosity

What if……

• we embrace differences as one of the joys and wonders of being human?

• we view differences from a place of curiosity?

• we start with our commonalities and build from there?

• we let go of the fear of conflict by leaning into it as an opportunity to learn and deepen our understanding?